When a loved one passes on it is the most heart-wrenching experience a person can have. The feeling of loss is so monumental that it can be hard to function normally or even at all.
The feelings of loss can be just as profound if they have occurred due to divorce or the break-down of a relationship.
So how do you start over again and get your life into order after the loss of someone close to you?
Well it is never easy! The shock of the loss is mostly followed by a short period of denial as it can be hard to re-adjust and reorganise and “own” the truth of the situation.
It is very hard to cope if the loss experienced came unexpectedly or quickly. Present and future plans are also disrupted as is the everyday routine of the person left behind.
For most people this period of readjustment lasts at least one year. Birthdays, Christmas and other personal events and anniversaries are key times that must be experienced at least once without the other person for true healing to take place.
The first movement towards readjusting to the new situation without the person we love is to try to keep their memory alive. Some people feel that they need to continue with old habits such as setting a place at the table at meal time or leaving a space in the garage for the other person’s car.
However, for most people it is simply recalling events and looking through photo albums, old mailings and talk continuously about them etc.
Even though the death of a loved one leads to all-consuming grief and a period of depression sometimes losing a loved one due to divorce or separation can be harder to cope with.
There is a finality when a loved one passes away but when they leave it can lead to a longer period of denial which sometimes can last a life-time!
Even if this situation does not occur the feelings of rejection, arises from a failed relationship, must be tackled and this can cause a great deal of pain and suffering.
In a vain attempt to regain that relationship some people resort to strange or uncharacteristic behaviours that are detrimental to their growth as a person.
These behaviours not only affect the person involved but they also affect the person who has left and on many occasions those people who are close to both of them. This happens when a jilted lover will try to coerce or convince mutual friends or family members to intervene and force, cajole or convince the lover to return.
The problems that some people experience when they lose someone close to them is not that these behaviours are abnormal, the problems only arise when they find themselves stuck in these behaviours.
The grieving process is complicated but a human being is designed to deal with it. The only thing that makes the whole process bearable is being non-resistant to what is happening and not trying to stay stuck in any particular behaviour.