Have you ever started a relationship with major enthusiasm and thought that your new partner was definitely “the one” only to watch as things turned stagnant or even sour after a fairly short period? Well there can be a lot of reasons for relationships going bad not least of all having unrealistic expectations of your partner or the relationship as a whole. Studies have shown that there are five basic principles, which govern the quality of a relationship in the long run. Lack of communication is one of the worst failures either partner can be guilty of in a relationship. This leads to almost all problems and the principles outlined in the studies of which I wrote can almost all be traced back to poor communication between partners.
Principle 1: Lack of Communication.
Do you openly talk with your partner? Are you open and honest about your desires, wishes, dreams and expectations? Do you criticize your partner or lovingly point out the behaviours that are unacceptable to you? Open communication is needed to maintain a healthy and loving relationship. It is the foundation of any great partnership!
Principle 2: Affection.
How do you show your love to your partner? Do you communicate it openly? How does your partner wish you to communicate your feelings to them? Have you discussed it with him/her?
We are social creatures and unfortunately we are also very insecure at times. You need to express your feelings of love to your partner in a way that they can understand. What is right for the goose is not always right for the gander; you need to find out what you can do to express your feelings in a way that resonates with your partner not with you.
Likewise you need to communicate to your partner the things that they can do which will show you that you are appreciated, wanted and loved! Relationships are a two-way street!
Principle 3: A relationship is a place to give, not take.
Are you always thinking about what you can get from a relationship instead of contemplating what you can add to one?
Do you view your relationship as something that can add value to your life? Although this is a worthy way to view relationships it is somewhat selfish!
Relationships are places where you should seek to add value to the other person. Only once you give can you expect to receive in return. Unfortunately many relationships are caught up in a cycle of “what you are doing to me” or “what you need to do for me”.
If you take the view that a relationship is a place to give and not take and you actively pursue behaviours that reflect that belief you will receive much more in return than you would trying to force your partner to give to you!
Principle 4: Harbouring resentment.
You must openly talk about things your partner has done that upset you. Instead most people just bide their time and wait for an opportunity to get that other person back. This can take the form of actions or words but it is an indication of a problem with communication.
Very often an act or unkind sword or gesture was not intending in the way you thought it was, or at least did not contain the venom or hurt that you associated with it on the end of the giver!
Telling your partner how his/her actions or words made you feel can eliminate that problem from ever happening again and allow to understand why they did it and what their true intentions were!
There are many more problems that can arise in a relationship. However, with open combination and a willingness to listen and act on what you learn will secure a happy future and joyous growth for both partners!