Many people are raised in homes that are crammed with guilt. As bizarre as it may appear, that guilt grows out of very generous behaviour many times. Parents sometimes think of other people and put their needs first. In numerous cases, they were compelled to. Sometimes both parents work very hard and are always attempting to do better. While not rich or perhaps financially comfortable I have heard of such families being laboured when relatives were regularly envious of the financial stability that had been achieved.
This led members of the family to drop their issues at their steps. Despite the added responsibilities heaped on to such family, many times the children never feel slighted.
However, there is an emotional price to be paid for the open handedness forced out of them. Almost all of their acts of kindness are rewarded with envy and ingratitude.
This can lead them to hold each other to such a high standard when it comes to appreciation and also believing that others deserve more than they do. That raised standard is really guilt in disguise and starts to affect everything.
As a child, it can be damaging to hear the words, “Think of somebody else besides yourself for a change.” So after awhile that is precisely what they do.
They basically live their lives in quiet desperation always thinking about other folk and putting them first before considering their own needs and desires. Now there is absolutely nothing wrong with being unselfish or generous to others.
However, this generosity usually stops with others and is never extended to the person themselves. They constantly put others first at their own expense!
It can years for such a person to see what a flake they have turned into. This realization then leads to frustration, anger and perhaps even depression before it gives way to guilt! They start to see how those people they had tried to help frequently rewarded their efforts with the same ingratitude and jealousy that they had experienced from their family at any earlier age.
It is a classic case of private neglect. Their entire existence has become focused on satisfying the personal guilt that has been burned very deeply because their early childhood programming taught them that others are worth more than they are.
So even though their soul cries out for a better life and their actions are of a person trying to create more harmony the guilt that they are taking these things away from someone else cause consistent failure and more guilt!
When your life is driven by guilt, there is very small room for private appreciation, success or any type of expansion. The only way to step out of that mould is by starting to understand that actions driven by guilt and those inspired by kindness are 2 separate things.
Guilt is a Tyrant and Oppressor!
Guilt tells us that we need to help somebody or face the unavoidable emotional comeback that we heap on ourselves. Guilt makes you believe, falsely, that kindness is in fact self-sacrifice. It galvanizes us to help somebody without any of the consequences that befall us due to our philanthropic actions.
Kindness however, unlike guilt, permits us to pick and select those whom we elect to help. It also gives us a choice as to how that help is dispensed. Guilt always insists that we have a direct part in helping folks usually at our own expense. For good or bad, it makes us the unwilling instrument of everyone’s deliverance (something that people oftentimes feel is interference from a “do-gooder”).
Guilt promotes obsessive behaviour. When you are under its spell, it does not appear that way. Once you learn to ignore guilt as your motivation for helping people you can really begin to appreciate yourself and others in a normal way and truly help people who are seeking your help and will appreciate it.
You will also find that your life improves as you feel worthy of positive changes and do not feel that you are depriving another because of them.
True appreciation is a halfway point between what’s good for you and what’s good for someone else. You have to learn not to cross utterly over to either side. Instead, maintain an awareness of those who need your assistance and will be grateful for it. Leave the others to their own devices!